07/06/2010 at 7:35 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments
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Submitted for your approval: A series of posts which were each too small to constitute blog entries on their own. Divided we are weak, but together, we are strong! Caution: TMI/NSFW content alert, for frank description of 1 sexual act towards the end. The one TMI/NSFW anecdote included will go behind a WordPress cut, so if you are reading from the main page, you’ll need to click through to go on when the time comes. Everything should still appear in your RSS feeder though, so scroll at your own discretion. Thanks!


The National Vulvodynia Association has released a new e-newsletter! It’s been months since the last one was released in January 2010. Keep in mind, this is not to be confused with their regular newsletter. You need to be a member of the NVA to read their regular newsletter, but the e-newsletter is a .PDF available to the public.

Some highlights I found interesting are below; do check the whole newsletter for more when you have a chance:

The NVA is adding three new self-help booklets to their web resources, available to NVA members. The topics may be of some interest to readers here – First up will be Vulvodynia, Pregnancy and Childbirth, then My Partner has Vulvodynia – What Do I Need to Know? and How to Apply for Disability Benefits. Personally I’m very curious to see what the Partner booklet looks like – the e-newsletter does not use gendered pronouns so here’s to hoping that it doesn’t take an exclusively heterocentric view. But of course I’d like to see the other two booklets as well.

The e-newsletter also goes over some updates in the wide world of vulvar pain. There’s a new clinic open in Miluwakee, Wisconsin. Research and grants remain ongoing. One of the research topics is on vulvodynia and pregnancy, so women with vulvodynia may soon have some rigorous science available to help make decisions, in addition to anecdotes and stories of support presently available. There’s going to be a vulvodynia conference for researchers later this year, in October 2010. Findings from the conference will be published in a medical journal, but the e-newsletter does not say which journal yet, or when. Hm, that’s interesting. I’d like to keep an eye on that. I hope no one stages an anti-vulvodynia researcher conference outside of it.

The last page is dedicated to summarizing the Campaign to End Chronic Pain in Women. You may remember not too long ago, the Overlapping Conditions Alliance went to Washington, D.C. to raise awareness of chronic conditions that disproportionately effect women. There’s links to some videos related to the conference, and the e-newsletter says that representatives met with political representatives, including Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi. There’s also a request in the newsletter for readers to send an e-mail urging select US government representative to get on board with the Campaign – I’ll just let you click through to that form via the e-newsletter.


Thoughts on a Dear Abby column, in which the writer, a elderly man, writes in asking for advice on communicating about his Viagra use to his female sex partner. My thoughts are: What an interesting way to phrase a question about communication and what interesting assumptions everyone involved seems to be making.

So “Vital Man” writes in because when he went away on a week-long trip, his sex partner “Demanded” that he leave his Viagra with her. Apparently he and his girlfriend are comfortable with him using Viagra during sexual activity, but they don’t communicate about it openly. Vital Man assumes his girlfriend assumes he needs to use it each time he has sexual activity, therefore Viagra is like a tether. If he can’t maintain an erection, theoretically he won’t have sexual relations with another partner.

My thoughts are: Well did he outright lie to his partner and tell her “I need it,” or otherwise deliberately mislead her into thinking something along those lines… or did they not talk about it and he assumes that’s her assumption? What makes this guy think that she doesn’t already know that Viagra is optional for him?

My other thought – maybe she wants to try the Viagra out herself, while he’s out of town. That way she can find out if it has any effect on her, and if not, then no pressure to perform! (That’s what I’d do anyway. That was my first thought!)


In my free time, for fun, I’ve been reading rule books for Dungeons & Dragons. I’m having some difficulty finding a local group to play with, but I’ll keep looking.

Perhaps there’s a deeper meaning to my choice of book types – Dungeon Master rulebooks rather than the player handbooks. Maybe casual players read DM books, too, I don’t know. Or maybe it means I secretly want to control a whole imaginary world and be a level-building world-destroyer.

I once read or heard an axiom that stated something like, any time a new technology comes out, it will always be adapted to sex. I don’t know if that’s an actual expression or who first declared it, (any ideas?) but it sounds about right to me. So of course as I read the D&D rulebooks I started thinking if there was any way to incorporate sex & sexuality into campaigns. Does any group ever do that? Surely I couldn’t be the first one to think of that…

As it turns out, I’m not the first whose thoughts turn to adult situations in roleplay games. I won’t be the last. I’m not going to post a full review of this book, because it’s too embarassing even for me, even on this TMI blog. But I bought, and read everything in the Book of Erotic Fantasy, compliant with D&D rules (3rd edition…) which means the rules are outdated already, but I’m sure they can be adapted to 4th edition rules by a creative DM.

What’s funny besides the bad Photoshops used as illustrations (instead of drawings) is how seriously the book takes itself. Very serious about the rules of sexual roleplay, complete with charts and tables for decision-making and dice-measuring. Very serious and complicated even though in this case the roleplay is done entirely in players’ imaginations, and not performed on each other in the flesh. I think…. in most cases it would not be performed in the physical realm. The exception, I suppose, would be for LARP players. That might be fun to watch.

Since the rules are now outdated and many (if not most) of the rules can’t be applied to real life situations (even one-on-one partner bedroom play – unless you’re really creative,) the Book of Erotic Fantasy is purely For Novelty Purposes Only.


I e-mailed Durex & Lifestyles about the lubricant used on their non-latex condoms (Durex Avanti/Avanti Bare & Lifestyles Skyns.)

According to the e-mailed responses, both brands are coated in silicone-based lubricant. Just FYI for you.


And this is where it gets TMI/NSFW-ish, so here’s that WordPress cut you’ll need to click through from the main page to continue forward at the time of your choosing.

A couple of years ago, my partner and I once experimented with flavored lubricant during oral sex. He was the recipient for my attentions in this case, as I prefer to stick to Slippery Stuff lubricant. I’m concerned that some of the ingredients in flavored lube could cause vulvar & vaginal irritation in me, but I’m sure it’s safe to use on my boyfriend.

It was my idea. We went to the local sex toy retailer and picked up a bottle of grape-flavored lubricant. I was in the mood for something grape-flavored and I got a kick out of the bright purple packaging. The packaging seemed to promise fun times ahead, so, I guess the marketers did a good job. One fine afternoon, when we were feeling good, we decided to try it out.

I applied the lubricant generously to my boyfriend’s junk, to which he protested, “I think that’s too much…!”
“Nonsense,” I replied with confidence. “This is the how I use lubricant when I dilate at home.” Keep in mind, I use a lot of lubricant and re-apply as needed. It doesn’t take me long to burn through a whole 8 or 16-oz bottle if I’m dilating consistently. I don’t know how long lubricant lasts other people, but it seems to go fast to me. My feelings are – or were at the time of this incident – that you can never have too much lube.

Flavored lube applied, I started giving him oral sex.

The first few seconds were okay. There was a sweet, candy flavor of artificial grape. It tasted like a purple Skittle.

Then the flavor started to get stronger… like many purple Skittles… and Stronger… Like my whole mouth was filled with purple Skittles…

At this point the flavored lube became unbearable. This, overpowering, sweetness-to-the-point-of-sour overwhelmed me. And it just didn’t let up! I tried spitting to get the lube out of the way but that didn’t fix it! I spat my boyfriend’s penis out and ran to the bathroom, sputtering and spitting. Whereupon I reached the bathroom I began rinsing out my mouth repeatedly with water and brushing my teeth. I must have been there for 5 minutes trying to get that flavor out, my boyfriend laughing from the other room the entire time.

It WAS funny, admittedly. I was spitting and laughing at the same time, but the taste was unpleasant and something I never want to repeat. We did not attempt sexual activity again until after going out to see a movie and then taking a shower.

Lesson learned: There is such thing as too much flavored lube. I am still tasting that flavor 2 years later.

I’ll never look at grape Skittles the same way again.



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  1. Personally, my absolute favorite commentary about The Book Of Erotic Fantasy is the SomethingAwful review:

    Warning: A lot of SomethingAwful is a typically masculine and kind of misogynist space. The review has one or two moments like that. I personally think it’s incredibly hilarious. If you’re easily triggered, though, you might want to avoid it. I’m not sure.

  2. Oh, this is a great PSA! I will never try flavor lube after this (not that I was terribly tempted anyway).

    It could have been worse. You could have been reminded of grape Pop Rocks.

    • Well, you probably could use flavored lube… just don’t apply liberally. A little goes a long way.

  3. About the lube- probably the reason why it goes fast is because you’re using water based lubricant. With friction it burns off. It can be reactivated by using a spray bottle with water in it, but to skip this annoyance altogether I use oil-based lubricant. Once I tried Eros brand oil-based lube, I never went back. A little bit (about a tbsp.) goes a long way, and it comes off completely with soap and water.

    Also, safety note: flavored lubes are not meant for intercourse. The sugar in it will most likely cause a yeast infection.

    • Sorry- not oil-based, but silicone based. Feels oily though. Not in a gross way if used conservatively.

      • I’ve used silicone lube before (Pjur Eros,) when I first started dilating and didn’t have any Slippery Stuff handy. It lasts a long time, and it worked alright with the smallest dilator, but it’s too thin for me to use most of the time.
        It’s fine for hand jobs though.

  4. […] the same spirit as the original Shorties, I bring you: A series of posts which were each too small to constitute blog entries on their own. […]

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